Guest Post,  Parent

How sex work shaped Rose Black as a mother.

How sex work shaped Rose Black as a mother.

If it weren’t for sex work, I would not even be a mother. These things cannot be separated for me, because my journey with infertility and the freedom that sex work from home gave me are far too intertwined. My life itself is only possible today because I have access to a career that I shaped directly around my healthcare needs from the beginning. I either would have died trying to conceive or never would have been able to carry to an almost full-term, high-risk pregnancy that resulted in a healthy child if I had not started sex work on my 19th birthday.

My battles with endometriosis and other uterine/ovarian/cervical issues made it possible for me to conceive with great difficulty but resulted in far too many miscarriages. With anovulatory cycles, a soft cervix, and a plethora of other raging gynaecological issues, sex work was the only reason I was able to stay on bed rest and take care of myself when my uterus was hellbent on killing us and ruining everything I loved. Because sex work is so flexible and can be anything I want or need it to be, it has always been able to fit my physical needs, whether in times of good health or poor health.

As a sex worker, I can make my own hours and work from anywhere I want to (within reason) that has access to the internet and/or a camera- often even working directly from my phone. This means I never have to worry about or pay for childcare, not that I could afford or be agreeable to it anyways because I am ALWAYS there for my child. During school days, I can stop working in a blink and be there for my child for any reason. Because I work from home, I never have to worry about sick days for my child or myself, because I’m always home and make my own schedules.

I never would have been able to heal after such a traumatic journey to motherhood if it weren’t for sex work. I struggled painfully to bond with my baby during the newborn years due to trouble healing from the long term pregnancy complications and the heartbreaking discovery of low milk supply, and subsequently threw myself into my work while my spouse assumed the role of the intensely nurturing parent. It brought us out of poverty and allowed me to find healing physically and emotionally in time. Because my work was flexible around my parenting and allowed my spouse to become a full-time stay at home parent and co-star/business partner, we were able to find healing together and I was able to eventually bond with my child with significant help.

Sex work has helped both my partner and I pursue the parenting path that is best for us. Being a stay at home parent also gave my partner the much needed time and space to heal emotionally after nearly losing a spouse and child multiple times. It has given us the ability to both be active parents to our child while growing our business together.

For many, sex work and parenting will have clear cut barriers that never even remotely intersect. For those without the experience of infertility or pregnancy or infant loss, the monumental benefits of being a sex worker parent may not hold quite the same impact as it does for my life. However, having a career that allows one the freedom to grieve, heal, conceive, live, and love at one’s own pace is incredibly priceless. When your life is on the line and your dreams for the future are hanging by a thin thread of mortality, a stress-free job that bends and adjusts at the drop of a hat may be more than just a paycheque, it could be a lifesaver and the stepping stones to your healthier and happier future. My sex work path has been a fascinating adventure of ups and downs with the financial success of long term stability that has always been shaped to fit my personal goals and health needs, from a childfree teenager with endometriosis and severe chronic pain in college, to dying pregnant woman that was bedridden for 38 weeks, to work from home mother that manages a career around major surgery and public school hours. Sex work may not be right for everyone, but for me, sex work is the freedom to pursue the family lifestyle that most of the world considers normal, but would have otherwise been out of my grasp.

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